When the child's father can't know  

If you have an unhealthy relationship, where your partner controls you and perhaps also subjects you to violence, pregnancy can be a particularly vulnerable time.  

To many perpetrators of violence, power and control are essential. A pregnancy and the new life and reality it brings with it, can be perceived as a threat to this sense of control. Many women therefore feel that pregnancy makes the domestic violence worse, or it may be the trigger that makes the partner’s violent behaviour break out.  

Perhaps you didn’t even plan to get pregnant, and therefore fear how your partner will react if you reveal it. Or perhaps the pregnancy is a result of the violence you are subjected to. Perhaps it is your partner’s wish to start a family, but in fact what you want most is to terminate the pregnancy or leave him.  

Have a talk that can help you on your way

Whatever your situation, it is quite natural if you are scared and confused about what you should do. 

Seeking professional help is a good place to start. Find someone you can confide in without it involving a risk that your partner will hear about it. 

We can recommend these organisations, which all help and support victims of violence:  

• Holdepunkt: With Mødrehjælpen’s nationwide counselling service you can get free and confidential counselling. You will get to talk to a social worker who has extensive experience of helping victims of violence and will also able to guide you and answer questions about your pregnancy. If you have doubts about abortion, Holdepunkt also offers independent support calls. You can contact Holdepunkts counsellors here at skjultgravid.dk.
• Live Without Violence (Lev Uden Vold): A free national hotline that can be contacted around the clock on tel. 1888. You have the option to remain anonymous. 
• A women’s shelter (Kvindekrisecenter): You can always call one of the country’s shelters for advice and guidance.  
• RED Center and RED Counselling: Offers free advice on honour-related conflicts. 

These are your options if you are considering an abortion

In Denmark, you have the right to have an abortion up to the end of week 12, and as a pregnant woman, you alone can make the decision. Your partner does not have to be informed, consulted or grant their approval before the procedure.  

In case of an abortion, your personal information and records will be kept confidential.  

Read more about abortion here.

You have nothing to be ashamed of

A lot of people find that being exposed to violence is extremely shameful, and they therefore keep it a secret. Quite often, the dynamics that characterise an abusive relationship will make you feel that you depend on your partner and that the violence is your own fault. On Holdepunkt’s website, you can read more about how an abusive relationship develops (the article is in Danish).  

Remember, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. A lot of other people are in a similar situation to yours. Unfortunately – because no one deserves violence. It is never okay to beat, threaten or be psychologically violent towards one’s partner. Therefore, it is important that you seek help.  

Remember  if you are in imminent danger to call the emergency services on 112.