Are you hiding your pregnancy?

If you are in an unhealthy relationship where your partner controls you and may also subject you to violence, pregnancy can be an especially vulnerable time.

For many abusers, power and control are central. Pregnancy and the new everyday life and reality it brings can be perceived as a threat to that control. As a result, many women experience that violence escalates during pregnancy, or that the pregnancy itself becomes the trigger that brings a partner’s abusive behaviour to light.

Perhaps the pregnancy was not planned, and you fear how your partner will react if you tell him. It may also be that the pregnancy is a result of the violence you are experiencing or that starting a family is your partner’s wish, while you yourself may be considering ending the pregnancy or leaving him.

Whatever your situation, it is completely natural to feel afraid and uncertain about what to do right now.

A good place to start is to seek professional support. Try to find someone you can confide in without risking that your partner will find out.

You can always contact Mødrehjælpen’s counselling service, a nationwide service offering free and anonymous support. You will speak with a social worker who has extensive experience supporting women exposed to violence and who can guide you and answer questions about your pregnancy. You can contact Mødrehjælpen’s counsellors here on this page.

If you are unsure about abortion, Mødrehjælpen’s counselling service also offers impartial support conversations.

In Denmark, you have the right to have an abortion up until the end of the 18th week of pregnancy (17 weeks + 6 days). As the pregnant person, you alone have the right to make this decision. Your partner does not need to be informed, consulted, or give consent before the procedure.

Your personal information and medical records are protected by confidentiality.

Experiencing violence often comes with a strong sense of shame, which may be why you have not told anyone what is happening at home. The dynamics of an abusive relationship can often make you feel dependent on your partner and lead you to believe that the violence is your fault.

But remember: you have nothing to be ashamed of. Many others are in situations similar to yours, unfortunately. No one deserves violence. It is never acceptable to hit, threaten, or psychologically abuse a partner. That is why it is important to seek help.

If you are in immediate danger, call the emergency number 112.

You can find more information and answers in some of our articles on this page.

You can always contact Mødrehjælpen’s counselling service, where support, guidance, and knowledge are readily available.

If you have become pregnant at a young age, you may suddenly be faced with some big decisions. For example:

• Do you want to continue the pregnancy, or have an abortion?
• Are you ready to become a mother?

These questions can be difficult to answer, especially if you are dealing with them on your own.

That’s why it’s important to seek support, preferably as early in the pregnancy as possible.

If you are over 15 and wish to have an abortion, you have the right to do so up until the end of the 18th week of pregnancy without your parents being informed.

Mødrehjælpen’s counselling service offers free support conversations for pregnant women who are unsure about abortion.

You do not need to share your name or address. You can talk to a counsellor by phone or chat, explain your situation, and get a clear overview of your options. The goal of the conversation is to help you move closer to a decision, so you feel more confident navigating your situation afterwards.

On Mødrehjælpen’s abortion website, abort.dk, you can learn more about what to expect from a support conversation.

If you are under 15, parental consent is generally required

If you are 14 or younger, your parents must usually give consent for an abortion. In special cases, the Abortion Council may grant an exemption.

Medical abortion must take place before week 9

A medical abortion is the most commonly used method in early pregnancy. At most hospitals, medical abortion is offered before week 9, while surgical abortion is offered after week 9.

You can read more about the different types of abortion in this article on abort.dk.

Remember that your doctor is bound by confidentiality. You can also ask your doctor not to record the pregnancy or abortion in your medical file if you are concerned that your parents might access it.

Abortions after week 18 require approval

If you are more than 18 weeks pregnant (17 weeks + 6 days), you can apply to the Abortion Council for permission to have a later abortion. This requires special circumstances.

It can feel overwhelming and uncomfortable to tell your parents that you are pregnant. They may not even know that you have become sexually active.

But keep in mind that the situation often becomes more difficult the longer you postpone the conversation. Here are five tips on how to approach it:

5 tips for talking to your parents

“I’m pregnant.”

Not exactly something you dream of telling your parents if you have become pregnant at a young age, and you are probably worried about how they will react. Most people feel this way.

Although parents are often shocked and may initially react with anger or disappointment, most young women experience support and help once they break the silence.

• If it feels too difficult to say it out loud, consider writing a letter. It can be helpful to be present while they read it, so you can talk afterwards.
• If you are particularly worried about one parent’s reaction, or feel closer to one of them (for example your mother), you might consider telling that person first.
• It can also help to bring someone you trust for support. Is there a family member or someone in your network who could help you have the conversation?
• You can also confide in your GP if you feel comfortable. Your doctor may even be able to be present when you tell your parents, so they can help answer any questions that arise.
• Before the conversation, take some time to reflect on what you want. For example, if you wish to continue the pregnancy, it may be difficult if your parents encourage you to have an abortion. It’s important to listen to yourself and take both your doubts and your feelings seriously.

In some cultures and religious communities, sex before marriage and abortion are not accepted, and going against family values, traditions, and beliefs can carry serious consequences.

You may fear that your parents and family will reject you or that the consequences could be even more severe.

RED Center against Honour-Related Conflicts has extensive experience supporting young people who experience social control from their families. If you are unsure what to do, we recommend seeking guidance from them.

You can always contact Mødrehjælpen’s counselling service with your questions or concerns or find more information and answers in our articles on this page.

In Denmark, you have the right to an abortion up until the end of the 18th week of pregnancy (17+6). If you are unsure, it can be helpful to have a support conversation before making your decision. You can contact Mødrehjælpen’s counselling service here.

When you are hiding your pregnancy, abortion may sometimes feel like the obvious solution. However, that does not necessarily make it an easy choice. There is often a great deal of uncertainty involved in making a decision about abortion, which is why we recommend a support conversation.

The purpose of a support conversation before a possible abortion is to offer guidance and help you clarify what feels like the right decision for you.

If you do not have a yellow health insurance card

Even if you do not have a Danish health insurance card, you can receive a free and impartial support conversation about abortion through Mødrehjælpen’s nationwide counselling service. The conversation can take place in English, and if you do not speak Danish or English, it is recommended to bring an interpreter. You can book an interpreter via Mødrehjælpen’s counsellinng service for both in-person meetings and counselling via phone.

You can also contact the Red Cross Health Clinics in Aarhus, Aalborg, Odense, and Copenhagen. Here, you can receive counseling about abortion. The clinics can provide abortion services until the end of the 9th week of pregnancy (8+6). If you are further along, the clinic can help you find a solution.

If you are a sex worker or a victim of human trafficking, AmiAmi and Reden International offer counselling and guidance related to pregnancy and abortion.

You can access a free, confidential, and impartial support conversation through Mødrehjælpen’s counselling service. You can also find more information about abortion at abort.dk.

If you do not have a yellow health insurance card

If you do not have a Danish health insurance card, for example, because you are staying in the country without legal status or are waiting for a residence permit, you can contact the Red Cross Health Clinics in Aarhus, Aalborg, Odense, and Copenhagen. Here, you can receive check-ups and scans during your pregnancy and have a medical record created. The clinic can also advise you about giving birth.

If you are a sex worker or a victim of human trafficking, AmiAmi and Reden International can support you during your pregnancy. They offer medical check-ups, scans, and guidance about childbirth.

If you have a Danish CPR number

When you are pregnant, it is important to take care of both your own health and your baby’s health.

Once you find out that you are pregnant, you should contact your doctor as soon as possible. If you do not feel comfortable seeing your regular GP, you can choose to contact another doctor.

Your doctor will help ensure that you receive the necessary check-ups throughout your pregnancy. These typically take place with your GP or with a midwife at a hospital.

Healthcare professionals are bound by confidentiality. This means that information about your pregnancy and personal circumstances will not be shared with others without your consent.

In some situations, however, it may be necessary to share information if it is important for your treatment or required by law. If this becomes relevant in your case, you will generally be informed.

There can be many reasons why it is important for you to keep your pregnancy and upcoming birth confidential. In such cases, hospital staff can help ensure additional discretion around your information. For example, your medical record can be marked to indicate that extra caution must be taken when handling your information.

The hospital will do its best to ensure that your presence and any examinations are not shared with others without your consent. If you need extra confidentiality, it is a good idea to inform the hospital in advance so that the necessary steps can be taken to protect your information.

Maternity care refers to the support you receive during pregnancy, childbirth, and the postnatal period. This includes, among other things, consultations with your doctor and visits with a midwife.

As a pregnant woman, it is important to take care of both your own health and your baby’s health. In Denmark, there are rights and services in place to help ensure that your pregnancy progresses safely. The check-ups offered are designed to detect potential issues and prevent complications, helping to make your pregnancy as safe and reassuring as possible.

If you feel overwhelmed and unsure about what to do, you are always welcome to contact us. We can guide you in the right direction and provide more information about your rights and options.

We would very much like to speak with you, so we can help ensure that you receive the support you need. Counselling is available in both Danish and English. You can contact us here.

For your safety and your baby’s health, it is important to seek professional support during labour – even if you have not received hospital care during your pregnancy.

You can always call the maternity ward at the hospital closest to you if you need urgent help or are in labour. When you call, you will speak to a midwife who can guide and support you.

Under Danish law, you do not have the right to give birth anonymously. However, in practice, hospitals will support you if you need to keep your situation confidential.

This can be done by ensuring discretion. For example, your medical record can be marked to indicate that special care must be taken when handling your information.

It is important to inform the hospital staff about your needs when you arrive, so they can support you accordingly.

A midwife will be present during the birth. If additional medical staff are needed (for example, a doctor), the midwife will arrange this.

It is up to you who you want to be present during the birth. You may choose to have the baby’s father, a friend, your mother, or another trusted person with you.

There may also be people you do not want present, for example, because you would not feel safe with them there. That is completely okay. If you inform the hospital staff about your wishes, they will help accommodate them.

If you decide before giving birth that your child will be placed for adoption, the baby will typically be placed in temporary care such as a nursery home or with a foster family shortly after birth.

However, the adoption is not final until you (and, in some cases, the child’s other parent) give your formal consent. This means confirming that you still wish to proceed with the adoption. You can give this consent no earlier than three months after the child is born. Until then, you have time to reflect on your decision, and you can change your mind at any point before giving consent.

There are two types of adoption:

• Open adoption: The child will have knowledge of, and may maintain contact with, their biological family.
• Anonymous adoption: As biological parents, you will not know the adoptive family, and the child will not receive information about your identity.

Most adoptions are anonymous.

If you have wishes regarding the type of family or environment you would like your child to grow up in, the Adoption Board will take these into consideration as far as possible. However, you will not be informed of the identity of the adoptive family.

If a newborn is placed for adoption within 32 weeks after birth, you are entitled to 14 weeks of leave with maternity benefits.

The leave begins on the date the adoption becomes final.

You can access anonymised follow-up reports prepared one year after the adoption, and when the child turns 4, 7, 10, 13, and 16 years old. 

If you wish to access these reports, you can contact the Adoption Board. 

You can change your decision at any time up until you give your final consent. After that, the adoption cannot be reversed.

It is therefore important to take the time after the birth and before giving consent to carefully reflect on how you feel about the decision.

If you need guidance and support, you can always contact Mødrehjælpen’s counselling service.